his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
