just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
