he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
