So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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