'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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