after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
