I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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