he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
