sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
