u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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