garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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