I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
