I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
