.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
