She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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