Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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