I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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