i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
