so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
