So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
