the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
