How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
