I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
