screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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