your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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