she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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