I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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