I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it's great music for shaving your balls
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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