Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
