if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
