There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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