I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
