I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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