I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
