I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
