party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize