Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
