i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
two words: eviction party
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
