So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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