I just saw a hot homeless man
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
