I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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