Swine flu is the new snow day.
she told me i tasted like america
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize