Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize