the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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