You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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