and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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