I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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