the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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