my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
