Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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