he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
