i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
