What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
