Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
