The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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