I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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