dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
