I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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