I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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