girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
