dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
