So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
