How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
