her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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