Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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