I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
