my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
