She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
