Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize