no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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