I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
