And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
