I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
