Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
