you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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