i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
