If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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