the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize