when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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