so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we should paint friendship bongs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize