Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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