i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
