I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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