You're so nebulous sometimes
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
