she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
