Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
