she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize