i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
