im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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