Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
