tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
