There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
