You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fuck appropriateness.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
