I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
