Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
